Headlines II

Headlines are written by subs, not the author of the story. They are written in a strange language consisting of short words and cumulative adjectives ("Louth sausage costume mayor").  They aren't a title to the piece, but a desperate attempt to hook the reader's attention.

Louth Sausage Costume Mayor Faces Olympic Torch Row (BBC News July 5 12)

Illegal butt-lift surgeon "Black Madam" blamed for Brit girl’s death is arrested at "pumping party" in Philadelphia (OK it was a Tweet but we have to move with the times.)

Cross-eyed rioter who started £1m blaze in underwear shop is caught after police spot his eyes on CCTV
Group Seeks Hedgehog Climate Change Clues

Fish Foot Spa Virus Bombshell (Sun, Oct 2011)

They're not all that exciting:

Man who Popularized Steel Hatch Cover Dies
Crochet Resumes Tuesday at Library (Wilkes Barre Times)

Sometimes they're ambiguous (the Fortean Times has a regular collection called Extra! Extra!):

Man Not Responsible for Global Warming
Baldness Cure Secret Revealed by Mice (yahoo, April 2012)
Red Squirrels Are Lottery Winners (Westmoreland Gazette, April 2012 via @annabelgiles)
Dog Helps Lightning Strike Redruth Mayor
Occupy Protesters Offered Free Speech Lessons
Red Squirrel Threatened by Rhododendrons in Dorset (Daily Mail)
Pole Seals Walk Treble (It was about a Polish competitive walker who won three races - BBC)

And I'm sure I once read this in the Guardian:

Crushed Kurds Give Way

And this:

Fish and Flash Were Nearly Fin for Family (On a brief item about a fish preserved in formaldehyde – the tank broke and somehow the formaldehyde mixed with the Flash on the just-washed floor, giving off a deadly gas. Fin is the French for "end".)