221B, by Vincent Starrett

John Atkinson Grimshaw

Here dwell together still two men of note
Who never lived and so can never die;
How very near they seem yet how remote
That age before the worlds went all awry.
But still the game's afoot for those with ears
Attuned to catch the distant view-halloo;
England is England yet for all our fears –
Only those things the heart believes are true.
A yellow fog swirls past the window pane
As night descends upon this fabled street;
A lonely hansom splashes through the rain,
As ghostly gas lamps fail at twenty feet.
Here, though the world explode, these two survive,
And it is always 1895.

1942

 

Grammar: Pismronunciation

Confusing worms

A medieval monk substituted “mumpsimus” for “sumpsimus” in one prayer. When put straight, he replied that he had said it that way for 40 years and “I will not change my old mumpsimus for your new sumpsimus”.
 

Alexander Solzeernitskin, writer of One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovitch: Solzhenitsyn

Andrew Sabitsky, Andrew Sabinsky: Sabisky

Baia, in Italy: Baiae

Barnard’s Castle: Barnard Castle

Bayzhing, the Chinese capital: Beijing with a hard J

Bob Geldorf, musician and fund-raiser: Bob Geldof

Buchi Emencheta, the writer: Buchi Emecheta

Casa Pupa, the rug company: The labels clearly read “Casa Pupo”.

Colgate’s toothpaste: Colgate

Colibri, the font: Calibri (Colibri is a brand of cigarette lighter.)

Company House: Companies House

grahtsy, Italian for thank you: grazie (grah-tsee-ay)

Eric Hobsborn, the Marxist historian: Eric Hobsbawm: (originally Obstbaum)

folage: foliage

homogenous: homogeneous

In Chester Cathedral: Winchester Cathedral (song by the Kinks)

jardinère: jardinière

Jeux sans frontères/frontiers: Jeux sans frontières

Johann Sebastian Bark: Bach (Especially annoying when spoken by someone who can say “Lough Ness” perfectly well.)

John Hopkins University in the US: Johns Hopkins University (trips up many Americans)

Jungendstil: Jugendstil

juvenalia: juvenilia

Last night I dreamed I went to Mandalay again (More often “Manderlay”.): The first line of Daphne du Maurier’s well-known novel Rebecca mentions the house where most of the action takes place – Manderley.

lines of longtitude and latitude: longitude

Mario Vargas Llosas, writer and politician: Vargas Llosa

Marleen Deartrick, actress and singer: Marlene Dietrich

mischievious: mischievous

Miss Haversham, character in Charles Dickens’ Great Expectations: Miss Havisham

Miss Marples, Agatha Christie’s genteel detective: Miss Marple

National Institute of Health in the US: National Institutes of Health (NIMH)

Nora Desmond, character in the film Sunset Boulevard: Norma Desmond

nucular, nuculus: nuclear, nucleus

portères, curtains over doors: portières

Rekkavik, Iceland’s capital: Reyjkavik

Suits you, sir: Suit you, sir!

The Forsyth Saga, series of novels by Galsworthy, twice televised: The Forsyte Saga.

The Narzies: the Nazis (Allegedly Winston Churchill stuck to Narzies because that was how many people pronounced the word.)

Tiananmen Square in Beijing: Tienanmen

Trivial Pursuits, the 80s game: Trivial Pursuit

tumeric: turmeric

When Good King Wenslas last looked out: King Wenceslas looked out.

 

At a convent boarding school in the 60s, postulants (trainee nuns) were called “apostulants” by everybody.

Every day we recited: “The angel of the Lord appeared unto Mary/And she was conceived by the Holy Ghost”. Wrong theologically and biologically (people also confused conception and contraception).

In the school garden there was a beautiful rose-draped pergola (path with columns). The adjacent lawn was the “pergular lawn”.