Monday, 22 February 2021

Euphemisms: Arguments II

Have you ever wondered what people really mean? The expanded and updated Boo and Hooray may have the answer.

I’d be a fool to waste my time arguing with these people:
I have no arguments.

I don’t like your tone! You’re disagreeing with me. (Or: Oh no, I’m wrong!)

I’m being harassed by a troll! Somebody disagreed with me.

I’m being silenced! I’m being censored! They’re disagreeing with me. (“Any opinion that doesn’t conform to progressive orthodoxy is silenced.”)

I’m bored now: You’ve exposed my shaky logic and shown that my evidence is unreliable and I have nothing more to say.

I’m just trolling: What just hit me?

I’m just trying to start a debate: I want to make some unacceptably bigoted remarks upfront. I can plausibly deny them later.

I’m not being listened to: You’re not agreeing with me. (“The other side needs to listen” means “The other side needs to shut up while we indoctrinate them”.)

I’m sure: I think.

I think we need to step away and shut this down now: Will you STOP telling me I’m wrong and asking me to explain myself!!!

There’s a fine line between X and Y:
I want to use the hooray word, not the boo word, or else I want to pretend bullying is “just banter”. (Or “X and Y are totally opposed and cancel each other out”. Or even “X and Y are light-years apart.”)

There’s always an off button! Shut up. Stop complaining. You’re not important enough to get angry about anything.

There’s no justice in this world! Things didn’t quite go my way.

They’re taking away my freedom of speech: They’re disagreeing with me. (And telling me I can’t make racist and sexist comments. There’s no law against it! Except there is – in the UK.)

We aren’t allowed to say X any more! When I say X, people disagree with me.

We can never really “know” anything: I am losing.

We were discriminated against and treated unfairly: We lost the vote.

Why can’t we both be right? I don’t like this game any more.

Why do you always have to be right? I’ve run out of arguments and data.

Why is everyone so easily offended these days? Why are they disagreeing with me? (Why is objecting to misogyny “faux offence”, but objecting to the objectors perfectly OK? The Victorians talked about “imagined grievances”.)

Why must you get so angry about everything?
I forgot to pack the arguments and data.

Many more euphemisms for disagreement here.

Friday, 19 February 2021

Received Ideas in Quotes: It Happened to Me!

No, it didn't.

Thirty years ago my mother used to “cook dinner for everybody in the street” and now nobody cares about her.

My dad watered mum’s plants and they turned out to be plastic!

This kid lay on the pavement because he was cross that his gloves matched his jacket!

My parents told us that when the icecream van played Greensleeves it meant they’d run out of icecream!

A friend claims that he goes into a supermarket and fills a basket with food, and if there are self-service checkouts he just leaves the basket and walks out.

Science and nature TV presenter Liz Bonnin “takes all the plastic off her shopping and leaves it at supermarket tills to highlight the overuse of packaging”. (Times Dec 31 2020. She could easily take a TV crew with her...)

I no longer buy meat products from supermarkets because they promote Halal. I use my local butcher instead. I told him recently that his sausages were the best I had ever tasted. "That's because they contain a secret ingredient," he said. "What's that?" I asked. "Meat" he replied. (@Sleazebuster. I'm not sure of the point of this story.)

I was sitting in a cafĂ© when two paramedics came in and queued for coffee and cakes. Before they could get their order, they got a call. “This always happens to us!”, they joked as they left. (The story then segues to a request for emergency services to be allowed to jump the queue. A petition was set up in 2017. It’s a good cause, but why start your appeal with a fake story? Oh I see...)

I came across a handful [of Remain marchers] down Whitehall. I heard one threaten to knock someone out. I spun my son around and got away from them. (@DamoFsMum)

My Uber driver last night had 2 phones: one for his wife and one for his girlfriend. He rang both of them (separately) while driving me. (@Catiewilkins. “Made-up story for likes”, says another Tweeter. Wilkins is a children’s author and stand-up comic.)

We were once told at work that we couldn’t ask for black or white coffee but rather coffee with milk and without. Our response was to drink more coffee and have it either black or white. The thought police gave up after a couple of weeks. We have to fight back against these loons. (@PattyUKGB. @Otto_English replies: No you weren’t. You’re welcome.)

So I just got back from lunch with a 24-year-old. I said “Isn’t it funny that there are almost no women trying to figure out what men need, what they are really like, how to have successful relationships with them?” She says “Women don’t care.” (@fotogreg. Today in things which never happened, says @SecuLawyer.)

Seems that my campaign against the rhetoric of anecdotes in party-leaders’ speeches has to continue (it’s a recent generic convention that barely works aesthetically or cognitively but it won’t die). (@ProfAFinlayson)

A cab driver told me if he saw any of those Remainers or Tory sell outs he’d spit in their face or something worse. This is not the first time I’ve heard this angry language. The betrayal May has inflicted will cause more angry division than ever before and who could blame them. (Steven Woolfe MEP)

Feel free to borrow any of these memes – you'll be shared and retweeted all over the internet.

More here.