Thursday 19 February 2015

The Demon Drink Part II

Antiques programmes are still dragging in a mention of alcohol for an easy laugh. Can we stop homing in on older ladies with a scripted “joke” about alcohol? And can we retire the word “tipple”?

What’s your favourite tipple? Gin?
I make my own home-made wine.
Why do you want to sell the glass?
Someone once nearly knocked the cabinet over.
It wasn’t after some of your home-made wine, was it?
No, they were teetotal.
So what’s your strongest wine? What’s the most powerful?
Well, I make a blackberry whisky...
Flog It!

What’s your tipple of choice?

What’s your favourite tipple?
Scotch whisky.
Flog It!

So you never put a bit of whisky in there and have a little tipple?
(Catherine Sothern to an elderly lady on Flog It!)

He only drinks on two days – odd and even! 

Endless banter over some plus-size wine glasses.
“Will you throw in a bottle of wine?! I bet you’ve had two bottles in there, haven’t you, Gladys! I can see a twinkle in your eye!”
Secret Dealer

This flower is purple with a border of white – some people think it refers to the head on a pint of Guinness! Her her her her! (Lord Ross, programme on the gardens at Nymans)

Tim Wonnacott: Sequence dancing? And do you have a gin and tonic while you’re doing that?
Contestant: Oh, no, no, we’re all old dears, we can’t go out like that!
Tim W: What? Old dears can’t have a gin and tonic?
Bargain Hunt

Expert: All Scottie Wilson [painter] wanted was the price of a bottle of whisky!
All: Ah, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Antiques Roadshow

Down to the wine shop, that’s what I’d do, 50p into £25, and a cracking bottle of wine!
David Dickinson on Dickinson's Real Deal

I think I need a gin!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Antiques Roadshow

What are you going to do with the money, Gladys (aged 93)?
Gladys: I’m going on holiday, so I shall spend it on a little tipple!
All: Ha ha ha!

Sarah Beeny: What do you do when you’re really stressed?
Property show couple: Drink wine!
All: Ha ha ha!

Contestant: I managed to get down the mountain to a bar for a drink so I was OK!
Bargain Hunt

Tom Wonnacott looking at pewter measures:
Have I got time for a wee dram before the auction? (cheeky grin)
Bargain Hunt

Here’s a plastic beaker – unfortunately there’s no beer in it at the moment... And surprisingly, the slugs didn’t like alcohol-free lager!”
All: Ha ha ha!
BBC Breakfast, woman demonstrating slug traps

You could sit here with a glass of wine and look at that view.
Alastair Appleton on Escape to the Country

And a Radio 3 programme on the amazing, heartfelt polyphonic singing of Georgia in the former Soviet Union was mainly about drinking songs, and the habits of the amusing peasants who like to drink all night and play the bagpipes.

We don't show people smoking on TV any more – must we show them drinking?

You can call Alcoholics Anonymous on 0800 9177650, or email them at

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