“Outpouring of public grief” wheeled out again for Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds.
And now people are sneering at Victoria Beckham for getting an OBE.
Someone tweets that the Great Interior Design Challenge is “too left wing”! Do they mean “contestant in a headscarf”? And some of them are even gay? (Homes Under the Hammer: people do up houses. Grand Designs: same thing, but with middle-class white folk.)
Never quite sure what “liberal” means.
Pop star deaths are not “news”.
People don’t want to know about the tube strike because it’s happening in the “London Labour bubble”. Er... Well, at least it’s more honest than “metropolitan elite”.
Unions holding us to ransom again. (Not heard since the early 70s.)
Leavers still wondering why Remainers won’t just shut up.
Snow panic panic, Jan 12.
Constant sniping at anything that looks like socialism, or might come from a socialist source. (Momentum’s video about the French and Germans using profits from our public transport to reduce fares on their own is “racist” because it “subtly” portrays Germans as Nazis. They have slicked-back hair and speak in a rather sarcastic tone.)
Tar-black humour, the bog is dirt-black, the series ends with a treacle-dark delight, itch-lousy with, pig-sick, gossamer-thin... etc (I don’t mind “staggeringly snobbish” and the like, but please don’t make it “Mitford-snobbish”. Hope this trend will soon pass.)
What happened to GET IN THE SEA? Doing a book tour?
Are shrirache and khobek still with us, whatever they were? (Oh no, now chermoula paste, rose harissa and ras el hanout.)
“What about Saudi Arabia?” is the new “Why don’t you move to Russia?” or “Are YOU going to house refugees in your spare room?”
What happened to Pokemon Go?
Develop: What people do instead of “designing” clothes or “writing” film scripts or even novels. (You “develop” a novel by going on writing courses and working with “mentors”.)
“The path to Trump was paved by Obama” and others on this model.
The way to fight Trump is by being “calm”. And his terrible orders are just “testing the waters”.
And whatever happens, the armchair strategists will tell us what it really means, what’s really behind it, what the real motivation is, and what’s really going to happen next.
The latest “you can make money from the internet” is Instagram. Forget Twitter and blogs, it's teenagers flipping hard-to-get fashionable brands, or turning themselves into “taste-makers” and getting free stuff.
Jo Cox’s loneliness initiative is launched. All the publicity talks as if “we” must bring help to the “lonely”, who are presumed not to be listening, watching or reading the bumph. “We” will wear badges saying “I’m happy to chat”. (December: They've changed their story slightly and now admit that young people can be lonely too.)
Lena Dunham says she can cope with trolls thanks to yoga and therapy.
“I for one welcome our new insect overlords” has never been more apt.
There aren’t enough BAME women in STEM. (Black, Asian and minority ethnic; science, tech, engineering, maths.)
What to Say About that Cambridge student who burned a £20 note in front of a homeless man: One silly out-of-character act... His life is ruined. Think of his parents.
MAGA – Make America (you got it) (Which was when, someone asks?)
TFW (that feeling when)
Formerly sensible people now saying “We shouldn’t call Brexiteers stupid”."Remainers say Brexiteers are stupid, so we don't have to listen to anything they say. In fact they shouldn't be allowed to say anything."
Fussing about putting pineapple on pizza.
IQ shredding (You have to read through a lot of handwavey guff to find out that it means “Dim people breed like rabbits, how can we persuade clever men to marry clever women and up the average so that we can have innovative tech in the future? I mean who’s going to design our hoverboards?”)
Pepe the Frog (right-wing mascot)
She slayed the Oscars in your granny’s eyemakeup! (Purple all round the eye as worn in... when exactly?)
Vertical: The 'manufacturing vertical' means the industry or market. And a 'vertical market' includes all potential purchasers in one industry. (Management Today)
Cuckoo and unicorns land (inhabited by luvvies and bleeding-heart liberals)
There are people in power who don’t understand how insurance works, and don’t know what the word “deal” means. They think we can just “walk away” from the EU.
In other news, glazed food is back.
Overexcitement over a map of Anglo Saxon London (Wemba Lea, Padintune etc)
Fussing about “Oxford commas” again. (Started about 10 years ago. Sometimes you need a comma before an and, and sometimes you don't.)
As well as teasers, trailers, and teasers for the trailer, films now have promo featurettes and clips.
Terror attack in London and some tweeters are moaning about anyone saying “Pray for London”. Some hours later, mass whingeing that others are reacting all wrong. We shouldn’t mourn for those killed in Westminster because Dianamania. “Britain went into meltdown and has never recovered.”
Weaponising for “distorting for propaganda purposes”, or “use as a stick to beat someone with”.
People using the word “cowed” for intimidated.
Tories/SNP both accused of eating all the sandwiches brought in to MPs in lockdown in the House of Commons.
Hip-hop videos in Ancient Egyptian costume are a thing.
Fuss about less and fewer, you and you’re, two-times for twice, sentences starting “So...”
Stench (of corruption, decay, nepotism, hypocrisy) is back.
Dress shoes, trousers, hats, shirts.
Fuss about Easter eggs without the word “Easter” on them.
Tinkerbell – in the context of Brexit, and shouting “I believe in fairies” until she revived.
Latin is popular for tattoos, protest placards and ironic graffiti.
Pepsi just made that ad with Kendall Jenner to get attention.
People eating in theatres is the latest “hell in a handcart” symptom. (But there’s an app for ordering food to be delivered to your seat...)
“The one she told you not to worry about.”
As a car boot sale is now a boot, a flea market is a flea. (Big London Flea)
Racists upset at being called racists. Or at Marine Le Pen being called a racist.
Dogpile for “everybody pile on X”.
GOAT (greatest of all time)
Parachuting (candidates into constituencies)
Frenchsplaining (explaining French politics to a French person)
Kids today! People are using contactless card payments for amounts less than £10!
Cinco de Mayo – the day the Mexicans beat the French in 1862. No excuse for terrible jokes about sink-a da salad dressing.
MOAB: mother of all bombs
I googled the wedding dress. I admit it. Shame. Shame. Shame. (@Amanda_Vickery)
Tragedy in Manchester. Vile people tweeting about made-up relatives so that they can get retweets. Not too much “everybody is mourning in the wrong way”. A bit of “celebs cashing in” and “24-hour news channels saying nothing”. A few false flag conspiracy theories. Some took the opportunity to criticise pop music as something only liked by little girls. And others whinged that the poem someone recited was “doggerel”.
Mindfulness has been oversold.
The 80s are back – even pyramid power.
Old ladies dancing unexpectedly well is a genre. (The best dancers in our flamenco class were over 70.)
Jeremy Corbyn is a terrorist and if he gets in there’ll be an immediate Apocalypse.
Now you can be “asexual, aromantic, demisexual, agender”. (We used to say “frigid”. Give yourselves time.)
There are people who can’t even “see” racism.
“Brand” now means anything you want it to mean. “Young people see themselves as a brand” translates as “Young people want to project the right image”.
Quinoa-munching: code for "socialist"
Ally: Someone who “stands with” gays, women etc.
Appalling tragedy in Kensington, commenters use pictures of exhausted firefighters to urge young people to look up to them as heroes, rather than to “celebrities”. The girl who turned up to do her GCSEs in her pyjamas is both labelled an “inspiration” and used as a handle for sneering at “entitled snowflakes”. Celebrities Lily Allen and Adele turned up to talk to residents, but that was just for a photo-op to get headlines. The fire was caused by environmentalists specifying eco-friendly insulation – this is where Marxism leads! Fire being used as an excuse for “nobody can manage risk any more – snowflakes being evacuated while panels removed”.
“I’ve tried to recruit local people to pick fruit but they’re just not interested because I won’t pay them enough.”
[Cute animal] meets [cute animal] meets [small child]: what happens next is hilarious!
These triplets got DNA tested and you won’t believe the shock results! (They each got slightly different results because the testing process is unreliable.)
Postmodern or postmodernist as a catch-all insult from the right.
Reset popular to mean rethink or reform.
There’s a strain of “bad parenting”, "yucky mummy", “mummy needs a drink” humour. And an equally hilarious “spank the kids” and “tape their arms to their sides”.
First sighting of “Xmas comes earlier every year”: “I'm reliably informed that the local Homebase had its first delivery of Xmas tat last week.”
Widow’s rage (They’re being told “You can’t date yet, it’s too soon.” As well as “Get out there!” Meanwhile, their friends drop them.)
Incel: involuntary celibate
JulyMore Beckham-sneering. They went to a party at BUckingham Palace.
Jam-packed has become ram-packed.
“There hasn’t really been much of a backlash against a female Dr Who, has there?” Meanwhile even Peter Davison says a female Dr Who deprives boys of a role model.
Dying on this hill
Schooled is the new corrected.
TL;DR: “Too long, didn’t read.”
Racists are very cross about evidence that there were black people in Britain in Roman times. (“You’ve stolen our history!”)
Carceral (the carceral state)
IYI: intellectual yet idiot (Mary Beard says there were black Romans. Socmed says: “History is bunk.”)
Jon Snow: They don’t mean the newscaster.
Wings: Not Paul McCartney’s 70s band, but a hate-filled Scottish Independence site called Wings Over Scotland run by video-game journalist Stuart Campbell.
Snowflake has faded, perhaps because rightwingers are feeling so fragile about hearing languages other than English spoken on buses. And some National Trust staff felt “uncomfortable” wearing rainbow-coloured lanyards.
Luvvies fading too.
On FB, re Mary Beard supporting a children’s cartoon showing a black Roman centurion: Attempting to indoctrinate young children with this Westphobic branch of Marxism is criminal. (Actually there isn't a law against that.)
White supremacists love the medieval period because everybody was white then. And the Crusades, they were good! White people went and took cities away from brown people and massacred lots of them. And the Greeks and Romans were white – look at their statues! (PS The Crusaders lost.)
Twitter wants to pretend that people who use Facebook are all moronic chavs. You should hear what they say about you.
Gorpcore is the new normcore! (Camping gear, all-weather jackets ect.)
Trump is "45".
Elopement now means “low-budget wedding”.
Right-wingers routinely calling opponents “fat and ugly”.
Nativism is the new "identity politics".
Anti-vaxxers claim vaccination is a plot by a shadowy group to depopulate the world.
People rushing to explain that they don’t care about a new royal baby, while claiming they felt “sad, but not hysterical” at the death of Diana. Some claim they felt “not guilty, but embarrassed” at sharing the feelings of people they despise – “people who fawn on the royal family”.
Rash of FB stories on the template “My daughter nearly died of whooping cough but vaccinations are still poison”. All written in the same highly emotive style – by a bot.
SeptemberDenying that depression exists is a thing.
“Nazis were socialists. The clue is in the name.”
Parents suing school over transgender child are shills for an anti-LGBT lobby group.
“Oh, my days!” is back.
Londoners are emasculated because they eat too many soya beans, apparently. (Symptoms of “emasculation”: not objecting to brown people.)
Brick by brick (How buildings demolished without permission must be rebuilt.)
Season that shall be nameless (because we don’t want to mention Christmas).
The latest reaction to global disasters and tragedies is to whinge about the people who say they are praying for those affected. (And the police beating up voters in Catalonia could be spun into a comment on absolutely anything.)
centrist, centrist Dad (And new centrist parties. Still waiting.)
Streisanding (The Streisand effect is the phenomenon whereby an attempt to hide, remove, or censor a piece of information has the unintended consequence of publicizing the information more widely, usually facilitated by the Internet. Wikipedia)
Micro-home movement in the States – building yourself a tiny cabin in the wilderness where nobody can interfere with you. Again.
Flu and cold remedies: eat well, echinacea, chicken soup, apply Vicks to the feet...
The news media were all hysterical about Hurricane Ophelia.
People are using “bot” to mean “shill”. (Bots are automated, shills spout a party line or spread dezinformatsiya.)
Can I get an Amen? This cute little sick boy wants a million likes. Tell this disabled girl she's beautiful. Can you do this difficult grammar quiz? Which Star Wars character are you? Please share! Copy and paste! (Don't, they're all scams.)
“I question the motives of poppy fascists!”
“Admit it – you hate the UK!”
"No-one should feel forced to wear a poppy."
“Poppy has been hijacked.”
“Lost its original meaning.”
“The tedious annual poppy circus” (Independent)
“Competitive poppy one-upmanship” (shortlist.com)
"Symbol of oppression and imperialism."
"Means you like war."
"So many people NOT wearing a poppy! I feel like stopping them and asking exactly why not."
"Has the core meaning of the poppy appeal ben diluted by crass uses and commercialism?" (BBC)
"Changed from a remembrance of the horrors and loss of war into a glorious celebration."
Poppies used to come in different sizes and materials, including huge wax ones intended to be tied to the mascot of your Rolls. Royal British Legion says: “There is no right or wrong way to wear a poppy”. (And it's "remembrance", not remembrence or rememberance.)
Relentless, often used inappropriately: “The monuments looked relentlessly forward to the future.”
Bracing self for discussions of “the John Lewis ad”.
A nice little earner is now a “side hustle”.
Video-assistant referee technology, our unique pine-needle technology (on artificial Christmas trees)
Fireworks going off at the wrong time. (Diwali, Eid or Chinese New Year.)
Howard’s End: Young people are being brainwashed that Britain was diverse in 1910.
So many things can “ruin Christmas”. (Like getting a slightly different type of tree.)
Glasgow is getting “Scotland’s first avocado restaurant”. (I think they’re a superfood, or something.)
Cognitive dissonance: misused to mean "denial".
“In the shops there’s like Christmas cards in August…”
Oxford Street is to be pedestrianised, and carless cities are mooted.
When our team says we want to leave but keep all our privileges, Europeans say “I just love your British sense of humour”.
Black Friday, American, “buy nothing day”. (We have increased all of our prices by £3 for the next 24 hours. @NowhereVintage)
Snowflakes ran from gunshots at Oxford Circus! Police find nothing!
Harry and Meghan are engaged! Brace yourself for an outbreak of whingeing about “fawning”, and competitive apathy about the whole thing.
ownership and owning (even “self-owning”)
Lots of: I am hugely respectful of the disclosers, and Time’s POY story is amazing, but… [what about men whose lives are ruined by false claims blah blah blah]
“Sir” making a comeback.
Past years here.