Sunday, 20 January 2013
Objected to being called vermin:
They said "Our aversion
To eating a person
Applies from this burg to Dunfermline!"
Anon., Idem, Ibid. and Trad.
Wrote much that is morally bad:
Some ballads, some shanties,
ALL poems on panties –
And limericks, too, one must add.
via Andy Giddings
The Catholic church has some jobs that
Knock diplomacy into a cocked hat.
There's some bloke who looks
Into new-published books –
If they're clean, then he writes "Nihil obstat".
In Spain there once lived one Bernarda
Who told all her daughters "Try harder!
Keep men from your doors
Or I'll beat you, you whores!”
And what did it get them? Well, nada.
A lewd dude was doing quite well
Till a stone guy told him “Go to hell!”
His man had to log
All his chicks in his blog.
I’ve been Don Giovanni, farewell!
There was an old man of Khartoum
Who kept two black sheep in his room
'They remind me,' he said,
'Of two friends who are dead,
'But I cannot remember of whom.'
A mosquito was heard to complain
That a chemist had poisoned his brain
The cause of his sorrow
There was a young lady called Bright
Who travelled much faster than light.
She set out one day
In a relative way
And came back the previous night.
There was a young lady of Bude
Who was horribly bored by a dude
She gave him a hint
That was plainer than print
And a desperate silence ensued
There are folk in the village of Erith
Whom nobody seeth or heareth
And look, there afloat
On the river, a boat
Which nobody roweth or steereth
From the elephant paddock one day,
They took Barbara Woodhouse away;
There's no harm, in the least,
Shouting 'Sit' to the beast,
But she should have got out of the way.
Poor Ophelia sighed: 'I deplore
The fact that young Hamlet's a bore.
He just talks to himself;
I'll be left on the shelf,
Or go mad by the end of Act IV.'
Once a Raven from Pluto's dark shore
Bore the singular news 'Nevermore'.
Twas of fruitless avail
To ask further detail,
His reply was the same as before.
In a piano concerto in A
The cadenza went sadly astray.
Coming home via China,
F sharp, B flat minor
And stations from Slough on the way.
More serious limericks