Lather, rinse, repeat
ONO (or near offer)
lather, rinse, repeat
X and Co
for all your... needs (Ark hotel - for all your global warming apocalypse vacation needs. @laurenbeukes)
all mod cons
…and you’ve got the set!
Saved by the bell (that signals the end of the round)
game, set and match (the other person really has won)
won in straight sets
Well played, sir!
gone to ground
Do not pass Go.
Get out of jail free.
when the music stops
in spades redoubled
the ace of spades reversed
Light blue touch paper and retire.
Come in, number six, your time is up. (From lake with numbered rowing boats.)
But that’s another story.
End of story.
Now read on.
New readers start here.
That’s not what it says in the brochure.
Watch this space.
slow news day
This just in!
In other news…
It says here.
That’s not in the manual.
What’s wrong with this picture?
Here be dragons (from 16th century map)
Back to top
STAGE DIRECTIONSLoud cheers.
Slow curtain, the end.
Exit, stage left.
dramatis personae (or dram. pers.)
Worth the price of admission alone.
Could go on without rehearsal as (the Missing Link)
What do you think of the show so far?
I’m getting my act together and taking it on the road.
Pause for laugh.
returning by popular request
Oh, yes it is!
She's in the cupboard!
There will now be a short intermission.
That's all, folks!
This is where we came in.
Cut, print it!
Lights, camera, action!
Coming soon to a theatre near you.
After the show, why not…?
Run, don’t walk, to the nearest exit.
sign on the dotted line
...or all of the above
[insert name here]
And now back to our scheduled programming…
You can’t say that on daytime television!
There has been a slight technical hitch. (Not heard since 1955.)
We'll be back right after this message.
Can I phone a friend?
Are you receiving me?
Receiving you loud and clear.
Are you receiving, over?
Come in, Blue Leader!
Bandits at two o’clock.
Your two minutes are up.
Answers on a postcard, please.
Have you got a note from your mother?
Take notes, I’ll be asking questions later.
I’m not angry, I’m just very disappointed.
You’ve let the whole school down, you’ve let me down, but worst of all, you’ve let yourself down.
There’ll be a short quiz at the end of the session.
I’ll be taking questions later.
Are you keeping up at the back?
Write on one side of the paper only.
OLD PUNCH JOKES
Collapse of stout party!
Parts of it are excellent! (Good in parts – like the curate’s egg.)
Everybody back on the bus!
If it’s Thursday it must be Belgium.
Direction of travel
Mind the gap.
Stand clear of the doors please.
Pass right down inside the cars.
Memo to Self:
Note to Self:
Sold again! (ie sold a pup)
Will it stand up in court?
I put it to you...
Me lud, the defence rests.
Sensation in court
Court is now in recess.
The court is now in session.
Can we take a side-bar?
Don’t look now, but I think we’re being followed.
Listen very carefully, I shall say this only once.
Leave it in the usual place, behind the hot water pipes.
Don’t go there!
It’s not logical, Captain.I’ll just stand here and rust.
Beam me up, Scotty!
When I were a lad all this were fields/forest/sand dunes (delete as applicable).
We had to make our own entertainment.
What fun we had.
Step away now./Step away from the...
Get over it!
He threw all his toys out of the pram.
Moving swiftly on...
Don’t all speak at once./One at a time, please. (When nobody volunteers.)
How ****** is that?
lost down the back of the couch (commonsense, sense of proportion etc)
LITERATURE/MELODRAMA/FILMBe still, my beating heart!
For it is he!
Strange to relate…
It’s all coming back to me now.
Back to the plot.
Come back, all is forgiven.
Fly at once, all is known.
Dead, and never called me mother!
Take them away, guards!
Smiling, the boy fell dead.
More tea, vicar?
It’s not you, it’s me.
You’re no fun anymore.
I need my own space.
I love you too.
I feel your pain.
What does A do now? (Itself a parody of “Dear Marge” etiquette columns)
They laughed when I sat down at the piano… (but when I started to play!)
Famous last words.
Contents may settle in transit.
I am over 18.
Your mileage may vary.
No parking except on even dates.
the parades were cancelled
in short supply
on the active list
surplus to requirements
all present and correct
a swift about-face
Make no mistake
Going once, going twice…
Going, going, gone.