Friday 22 October 2021

Overheards 13



In the caff.
It all builds up. "I don’t f***in’ like you," I said. You’re so self-centred. When you have known someone for a long time you kind of go into denial. I’ve got rid of all the people in my life... I have got to get a grip on this.
Very rare that anyone changes. [Gives another example.] He was a workaholic – she was married to a ghost.
What’s 'e banged up for?
Knockin’ er about.
Everybody needs everybody. Keep you up to reality.
I’ve lived ’ere for 70 years – still haven’t got the hang of it.
I’m reduced to being a loner.

There was a lot more of it – the violent “workaholic”, who had five kids with two women, turned out to have another girlfriend and was no more a workaholic than the Man in the Moon. The self-centered friend was always checking his phone (“addicted to the internet”), and talking about going to the gym.

Man shouting into phone: You can’t tell me they moulded the clay and engraved it and baked it and buried it just for someone to find thousands of years later in 2021!

Conversation witnessed today, British tourist at vineyard:
"These vaccination checks everywhere, it's like bloody Nazi Germany"
From elderly German man who overheard,
"No my friend, I can assure you it's really not."

Man in the street shouting “BUT I SHOULD HAVE NO REASON TO SHOUT!!” (@Andr6wMale)
A couple share rice-cakes on the bus.
Man: Nice aren't they?
Woman: No Nathan. I'm sorry. I'm going to stop pretending I like them.

Overheard today at the gatehouse to Highgate East Cemetery, a volunteer explaining, in exasperated tones, to two women who mistook it for Waterlow Park: "No, this is a cemetery ... [sigh] ... it doesn't lead anywhere." (@VictorianLondon)

When the opposite ends of London meet: guy from Arsenal on the bus between Wimbledon Common and Richmond Park. On the phone to his mate: Putney, Wimbledon way. Nah man, it's fuckin' scary. Too many trees. (@Mole_9)

Have just been privileged to witness the most east London moment of my life. Spoken by a woman kayaking frantically down the Regent's canal towards a pedestrian on the towpath:  "Oh my God. Francesca is that you? We met in Goa! At the breath workshop! Remember?" (This sounds incredibly made up but it’s a verbatim quote.) (@j_amesmarriott Of course the parties to the conversation were on Twitter and chipped in to say they were real.)

I had to take the handles off after the Lulu incident. (From FB)

Two oldsters across the way.
Did you go?
Yeah. Did you?
Yeah. What did you think?
Not a lot.
It was like McDonald's with alcohol. I came home.
So did I.
I'll never know.

I did actually overhear one woman at the races in around 2011 wail: ...and we've had to move into the gatehouse!!! (LW)

Woman at the cafe near my flat giving advice to a friend on the phone about honestly Lord knows what: “Make sure your tattoos are covered... wear a polo neck ... and bring some fish.” (@rosalyster)

He's not idiosyncratic, Alex. He's a f***wit. (@rupertg)

Supermarket checkout assistant, handing me 2 slips of paper:
Here you are, love. Your receipt and a random bit of advertising. (@Dymvue)

Woman walking past my window: I wish I had this Bible on that day, because I would have dashed it at her... (@VictorianLondon)

There was a big police raid in South Norwood last week. Overheard: ...that barber's that's always empty, the juice bar by the railway bridge, and the charity shop that's not a charity shop. (@Andr6wMale)

At the community project: The London I grew up in has gone... just little pockets left... places like this. What’s the odds this place was started in the 80s?

In the café: She put a ring on my finger and said “You are going to be my husband and I am going to be Mrs Watkins”.

At the V&A: I can tell you now that Korean inlaid lacquer leaves me cold.

In café, man talking quietly and reasonably to nobody: What do I have to do? Why ain’t I included? I’m asking you, where’s my family? I have often wondered. What do I have to do now?  What do I have to do to be included? How far do I have to go? (Possibly the saddest speech I have ever heard. Feb 2020)

More here, and links to the rest.

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