Malaprops and Portmanteaus 5

Only a ucalaly and Lionel Blair

Malaprops are creative mistakes; portmanteaus are "two meanings packed up in one word".
MALAPROPS

Why are you getting rid of your antiques?
We’re downloading, like everybody else!

We must defiantly stay in Europe!
It has a certain je ne sais pas!

I wanted to have a space to show my own work and found a little shop front that happened to be in the trendy town of Shortage. (streetartnews.net means Shoreditch)

cognitive dissidence (When people say "cognitive dissonance" they usually mean the mental gymnastics to try and avoid it.)

Smoother it with a thick coat of E45.
l’esprit de l’espalier
Chaise Guevarawould-be pop idle
human themours (femurs)

Bit of a barista of fire for Tim Peake for his first space walk! (Helen Dearnley ‏@Blackbird1976 Think she means “baptism”.)

I've seen some unnecessarily cruel things on TV, but locking this family in a bomb shelter with only a Ucalaly and Lionel Blair is inexcusable. (michael baggott ‏@baggottsilver)

Gotta love the internet philosophers taking the passivist route... (pacifist)

They are willing to pay exuberant amounts [for property in Brixton]. (BBC Breakfast)

light an incest stick (Daniel Hopwood’s mum)

interior design for ulterior motive
pengulino for pendolino

But I don't think bitching at them about their poor taste in windows helps, it just makes people hate historic perseveration. (Sara E. Palmer ‏@anqatisara)

Lambeth Council (who else) sent a letter to tenants about clearing up "dog theses". (@UnexpectedBag)

And somebody made a biological cake representing the moment of "cell decision".

Everything’s popsicle! (American sports commentator)

The bourbon of proof is on you! (Twitter)


PORTMANTEAUS

fambulance
This is a horideous moment for the Labour Party. (Andrew Marr Not a fluff, he meant it.)

pretendian (those white people descended from a “native American princess”)
tantouring (contouring with fake tan)

Does Kind Hearts and Coronets on the 21st tickle your fancy then? I suppose it's a melodramedy! (Irish Film Institute)

Chinese duplitectureridicuzarre (Nancy Friedman)
treescrapers (citylab.com)

brutifulwoebegotten (woebegone plus misbegotten)
kept in enforced certitude (BBC - servitude)

longlivity (Martin on Autumnwatch)

trowelblazer: pioneering early female archaeologist
presstitutes (Do they mean us?)

selectorate (Danny Finkelstein)
investibule (Ian Martin)

flatforms
automagically (Rupert G)

martyrbate (science blog check)
yarnbombitecture (Hugh Pearman)


Lamestream media, randiproles etc.

slacktivism (online activism)
offendocrat
leftard (Sarah Vine)
fauxminism (Louise Mensch)
actorvistRemainiacs v Brexiteers

On the other side we have:glibertarian
fempowerment
privelobliviousness (Rebecca Solnit)

More here, and links to the rest.