Grammar: Amphiboly 5

We don't really want to eat Vegans, or cut children in half.

Live Vegan for Less (ad)
‏This is a very thought-provoking article about just how animals also get killed by being a vegetarian or vegan. (RC)
Tables are for eating customers only
Is hunting to eat a human right for tribal peoples?

How to Date Buildings (book title)
Eve Was Shamed by Helena Kennedy
How to style your bedroom with Daniel Hopwood
The Doom Fulfilled by Edward Burne-Jones
Women Behind Bars with Trevor Macdonald
Name Your Child Eric Partridge

EMPTY WHEN FULL (On a skip.)
WAKE UP SATAN’S BRAINWASHED CATTLE (Banner in Oxford Street.)
NO PETS COOKING BICYCLES
PLEASE GO SLOWLY ROUND THE BEND
SQUASH SPECTATORS

BEWARE CHILDREN
SLOW BOLLARDS AHEAD
ALTERNATIVE CUSTOMER ENTRANCE
BEWARE OF OUTGOING VEHICLES
DANGER, EXCAVATIONS! BEWARE PLANT MOVEMENTS.

Please pay displayed amount. Change is possible. (Car park machine)
Please don’t make too much noise and respect our neighbours.
Don’t kill your wife with work – let electricity do it!
All doors on this carriage will not open at the next station. Please use other doors.
Wear your wellies and head to Leighton Moss.
On a notice POST NO FLYERS, someone has stuck a picture of an emu, a penguin, an ostrich and a kiwi.

Hospitals named after sandwiches kill five (Times)
All drinking water has been passed by the local London authority.
Jesus Christ the same yesterday, today and forever.

Only children are weird.
Children getting top GCSE grades expected to be cut in half under new reforms (DT 2017)

Man shot, killed in Miami for third consecutive night
Over 600,000 people in the US have their gallbladders removed yearly.
The Met Office say we could see more frequent, hotter summers in the future. (Two a year?)
One person signing up for Veganuary every eight seconds (As AC says, that person is a bit obsessive.)


While I have my daily morning coffee, I note my weight, my urine pH and how many hours slept on a spreadsheet. (Times Jan 2019)

Australian police hold two over bush fires
RSPCA “refused to help” fox attack family
Tiger species thought extinct is possibly spotted in Indonesia
Sludge Being Found in Local Treatment Plant

Women in low-paid jobs now a Tory priority
Putin’s “youth army” recruits swear oath on world’s largest nuclear submarine
Bishops agree sex abuse rules Provincial Historic Sites Offer Free Access to Youth

Oxfam’s free will service
Free will guide (centrepoint.org.uk)

Labels on petrol pumps:
Extra out of order
Supreme out of order

45,000 jobs to go in the North Sea

Egypt hopes mummies can coax life back into tourism (Times 2017)

Venezuelan president urges women to stop using hairdryers to tackle the energy crisis (April 2016-04-12 Daily Mail)

Perseverance Works (Time Out’s offices)

Macedonia Agrees to Change Its Name to Resolve Dispute with Greece
A cure for disease that robs thousands of sight (Daily Mail headline)
Nothing works better than Benylin
Help us understand affected patients better.
Top secret hotels up to 50% off.

Sculptures at Southwark Cathedral are being replaced by students from south London.
Chinese man killed by a tiger trying to get into the zoo for free
Here are three wise men in meggings from Ravenna. (Agnes Crawford)

Don’t worry about this pony disguised as a pumpkin, “She was painted with non-toxic, child-safe, washable paint and was also diluted with water."

Here's an old codger from Maine
Who says you should never restrain
An impulse to send
A card to a friend
No matter how small or how plain

More here, and links to the rest.