Thursday 19 October 2023

Technophobia 13: I'm Not So Clever

It’s 2022 and I don’t know how to hang up a phone call. How do you get back to the screen with the red phone symbol? (You can tweak a setting so that you can hang up a call by pressing the power button. Done it. But why should I have to?) I had to show a friend how to answer a phone call, and it took me several tries to work it out myself, ringing the mobile from the land line to work out that you press and swipe. Same procedure for turning off the alarm – there is no clue, no indication. And I still manage to hang up the call while fumbling for the phone in my bag. That's after I've heard it, because if it's in the next room the first few rings are too quiet. I don't know how to turn off this "crescendo" features, either.

Oh gosh your phone’s pull-down menu shows the last reason why the thing beeped – you don’t have to flip through email, text, Whatsapp. Only took me ten years to work that out.

The writing on phones is tiny, but you can expand it with your fingers. Crumbs.

I can’t get my Yahoo calendar on my phone – well, apparently I can, but it involves downloading Google calendar app and syncing it with Yahoo... I think. That was when I started to cry.

I’ve only recently worked out how to do several things on the phone at once – you press the home key. I haven’t tried it yet. I was helplessly saying: “How can I send you a picture when I’m talking to you?” They would patiently say: "Switch to speaker..." And then everybody moans about those who use their phones on speaker in public.

I used to wonder why the numbers on my clock radio went dim apparently at random – but always in the darkest hour before dawn when I really need to know the time. Apparently the device has an “auto-dim” feature that can’t be over-ridden. It also has very shallow buttons that are hard to feel in the dark. Anyway, I have to turn the radio on the see the time.

I still sometimes find a map of where I’m going, and print it out. Well, it’s easy to see all at once.

I’ve only just worked out, after using Twitter since its inception, that you don’t have to go to the top to tweet but you can click a large button labelled “Tweet”. Or now “Post”.

I thought people made their own GIFs! I never noticed there was a GIF button on FB. There must be one on Twitter. You just pick one. Well, stap me! Egad!

I don't have to tear interesting paragraphs out of the paper any more, I can snap them. Wow.

Why can't I get a blogger feed on a Facebook page without a degree in computing? They can put a man on the moon... 

More here, and links to the rest.

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