Monday 20 February 2023

Euphemisms about the Law in Quotes

Sean Jones KC

How the Judge describes your submissions versus what the Judge means:

Eloquent: I’m about to find against you.

Careful, meticulous: Way, way too long.

Scholarly: Oh, no – footnotes!

Ambitious: What?

Creative: You’re not as clever as you think you are, you weasel!

Bold: How dare you!

Novel: This is the first time anyone’s been foolish enough to try this on.

Is there anything further? There had better not be.

There is one point which troubles me: Let me explain why you case is a load of old cobblers.

Barrister Max Hardy adds:

Daring: Are you insane?

Concise: At least you haven’t wasted my time.

Simon Myerson KC adds:

Just help me with this: I have identified the irremediable flaw.

Very interesting: utterly irrelevant.

Yes, thank you: You’ve finished.

I have your point: You’ve finished and you’ve lost.

Your counsel has said everything that can be said on your behalf: Immediate custody.

Sean Jones again: 

Counsel’s spirited submissions: He kept talking over me and refused to take my hints that he was making things worse.

Ben Williams adds:

Erudite submissions: Beyond me. 

Spirited submissions: We did not crush your spirit this time, but we are working on it.

Alexander Chandler

Helpful: Helped me realise they were wrong. 

Logical: But wrong. 

Brave: Obviously wrong.

Jamie Jenkins

These all mean "too long": t
horough, extensive,  comprehensive, meticulous, forensic, detailed, full

On Murder, Mystery and My Family, when Sasha Wass says "I think I can help you, Jeremy...", she means "I think I have the facts and arguments that will demolish your objection."

More euphemisms here, and links to the rest.

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