Who he? What that? Who they? Harold Ross, founder of the New Yorker, used to write this in the margin of galley proofs. He wasn't surprisingly ignorant of modern life, he was pointing out that the writer had used a pronoun without an antecedent.
Most writers are terrified of repeating themselves. They know that "elegant variation" is allowed, but think it means replacing names and places with "it, they, he, there, these, them, those, do so". It means finding a synonym – so find one! The Victorians used to write "fish" in the first instance and follow it up with "the scaly breed" or "the finny tribe" and so on. You don't need to be quite so flowery, but any thesaurus will give alternatives.
What's more, the "it, he" etc needs a noun to refer back to. A possessive won't do. And refrain from using "it" to mean: "You know, what we were talking about in the previous paragraph".
You may assume that a reader will start with your first paragraph and work their way through to the end, but they may start in the middle. They need to know what you're talking about.
That generation was replaced by editors who understood the internet, what sort of pieces the internet responded to, and what sort of pieces the internet wouldn’t. (substack. Wouldn’t what? How about: That generation was replaced by editors who understood the internet, what sort of pieces IT WOULD RESPOND TO, and what IT wouldn’t.)
Ending the tale, Johnson does at least confess that the story “has withstood all my efforts to verify it at the Churchill Archive or elsewhere.” Well, I have, and in doing so, I have concluded that Mr Johnson can’t have tried very hard. (Fake History, Otto English. He means he’s verified the story.)
I had the idea of setting a bronze maple leaf in the floor but, to my amazement, the Canadian High Commission was unable to provide us with an image – the leaf was not, at that point, the country's national symbol. It would be another 10 years until that happened. (Anthony Blee, Guardian 2012. Until what happened? Oh, “before the maple leaf was chosen”.).
Chilean wine has changed. Forget the cheap, rough, fruity past, today its mid-priced reds are excellent. (Jane Macquitty, paraphrased by The Week. What does “it” refer to? Obviously Chile. But we haven’t mentioned Chile, we’ve only used the adjective Chilean. An "it" has to refer back to a noun. Likewise we can’t say “the country’s mid-priced reds are excellent”. What country?)
Salisbury Plain may be sacred ground to some, but it’s fertile ground for bustards. Extinct in Britain until last year, four chicks have now been hatched there as part of a conservation programme. (“There” is too far away from Salisbury Plain, and “Britain” is in the way – and in the same sentence. There's also a dangling modifier: bustards, not the four chicks, were extinct etc. Times, 2010)
In the 18th and 19th centuries the models were ringed off by red ropes. Now that they’ve been removed, we can all mingle with the great and the good. (Hephzibah Anderson, Prospect, 2012. The ropes have been removed, not the models. "Now that these have been removed" should work.)
President Karzai ordered all foreign private contractors to leave Afghanistan by last December, but that hasn’t yet happened. (What hasn’t happened? “That” must refer back to a noun. Try “but they’re still there”, or “but none of them have left”.)
Even by Pakistani standards, the religious zealotry displayed there over the past weeks has been horrendous… (The Week. Displayed in the country...)
They were reprinted by Carrol & Graf twenty years ago, but more recently Felony and Mayhem seems to have opted not to when they reprinted Allingham's novels). (passingtramp.blogspot. Opted not to reprint them when they reissued… opted not to include them… You can’t use a passive verb as an antecedent for an active verb.)
Want entertainment on tap? With our new Classic Collection, you can! (You can have it.)
Any "24/48 hours to move" mention is just a precursor to legal action. It does NOT mean we have to move this week. We won't be. (@occupylsx. We won’t be moving.)
With distinctive shields on one side of the tower, businesses were said to be queuing up to move in, but it has stood empty since 1996. (Norwich Evening News. But the building has stood empty... It’s a dangler, too. The tower, not the businesses, has the distinctive shields. Actually, the bit about the shields must belong with the previous sentence. That's another thing to avoid. Fronted adverbial or adjectival clauses can be useful, but make sure the clause stays with the verb or noun it is qualifying.)
As works of art have come to resemble other types of assets – they are used as collateral for loans or as a way to diversify a portfolio – there are calls for it to be regulated like other financial products. (Financial Times 2015. There are calls for investing in art to be regulated etc... The meaning is clear, but there’s nothing for “it” to refer back to.)
It’s called ‘the shame game’, and it’s worked remarkably well for the past 40 years. But now it isn’t. (The Canary Feb 2018 Isn’t what? “Isn’t working” is understood. "But no longer"?)
While it is certainly possible to have people who are not volatile be untrustworthy, it is far more likely that someone whose emotional state fluctuates wildly is. (Inc.com. A truly horrible sentence. What to do? "While it is certainly possible for people who are not volatile to be untrustworthy, it is far more likely that someone whose emotional state fluctuates wildly will let you down." Don’t end on a weak, dangling “is” or “will be” – find a synonym. Turn “untrustworthy” into a verb. What do untrustworthy people do? They let you down.)
The 1752 Murder Act... required bodies of convicted murderers to be either publicly dissected or gibbeted. Between 1752 and 1832, 134 men were hanged in chains. It was formally abolished in 1834. (Atlas Obscura. Gibbeting, or “the practice” was formally abolished etc.)
Others claim Christie wanted her husband to be suspected of murdering her, as the police briefly did. (Ben Macintyre, Times 2018. “Did”, meaning “suspected her husband”, is an active verb. It has only a passive verb to refer back to – “be suspected”. "Others claim Christie wanted her husband to be suspected of murdering her – as he was, briefly, by the police." Not wonderful, but at least it’s grammatical.)
We are starting to see the impact of the national restrictions on our local situation with data beginning to level off, but this will become clearer in the next couple of weeks. (Local council handout. “But the picture will become clearer” etc.)
Slavery was vital to the success of the Roman Empire and there were a lot of them. (Lara Maiklem. She means "slaves".
This well-preserved 220-million-year-old dinosaur footprint has been discovered by a four-year-old girl on a beach. Lily Wilder spotted it at Bendricks Bay, Barry, Wales - and scientists believe it could help establish how they walked. (@Rainmaker1973. How who walked? Dinosaurs. But you haven’t mentioned dinosaurs, only used the word “dinosaur” as an adjective. How about “establish how the creatures walked”?)
Actor Richard, 78, became President of the Parkinson's Disease Society after comic actor Terry-Thomas died of it in 1990, aged 80. (Mirror. Died of the condition, died of the disease.)
They had put on an act for him, and still were. (Georges Simenon, Inspector Cadaver. This is a case for "do so" – "and were still doing so".)
Now, it’s fair to say that within academia there are certain unspoken codes of practice around how and why we watch films in the process of undertaking historical work, particularly within the specific sub-discipline of British cinema studies, and that moreover matters of visual pleasure and desire are not always paramount within that (which sometimes has a lot to do with the paucity of potential for that in the source materials). (60sbritishcinema.wordpress.com. the first "that" refers to "historical work", and the second to "visual pleasure and desire".)
More danglers here, and links to the rest.
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