Tuesday 20 October 2020

Inspirational Quotes: Relationships 100

You’ll be stronger on your own, you’ll find someone when you’re not looking, nobody says the word “spinster” any more. Or "bachelor"?

He married not for love, but because he knew the suits in Houston looked more kindly on husbands than bachelors. (Times review of an astronaut’s autobiography)

I checked into the squadron... CO’s wife goes “we can’t wait for your wife to get here to add some new blood to the wives' club.” “Um, I’m single.” I was dead to the command from then on. (@ManningDonald)

I was single while in command. Told the FRG I didn't really care what they did it as was their club. That didn't age well. (@DuffySends)

FRG stands for "Family Readiness Group," and it is the focal point of family readiness in the Army and the Navy. In the Air Force, it's known as the Key Spouse program; the Marine Corps has the Family Readiness Program; and the Coast Guard has the Work-Life Program. (military.com)

I found things had changed when I became widowed. I know I have changed, but I didn't expect to become a social leper.
“And then when a man on his own has passed his first youth there’s a lot he doesn’t get invited to. Eh, the world’s made for the marrieds. It’s taken a mortal time for all that to sink in in my case. I intend to do something about it when I get to Cape Town. I can’t do anything about being on my own, at least I won’t, but I can have had a wife in England now rather long dead.” (Kingsley Amis, Stanley and the Women)

He has recently told me that he is “embarrassed” by the fact that we are almost 35 and childless. (Writer-in to Dear Prudie at slate.com)

One of the great stresses of modern life is competitive mate selection. Who will choose you as a partner? How many times must you face rejection? (Areomagazine.com)

This is your yearly reminder that it is incredibly rude to ask a woman (especially a woman who is not your INTIMATE friend) any variation of any of the following:
*when she is gonna have kids
*when she is gonna get married
*why she is single
Thank you, have a civil 2018.


In my observation, “average” ppl who now have most success at finding permanent mates are often those who to some degree still have access to the “old” system of tight family/community connections filtering suitable partners their way. (@FormerlyFormer)

An unintended consequence of people waiting until late 20s to start "seriously dating" (i.e. with an eye towards family building) is no longer having school communities to work with. By that age, you're much more likely to have a relatively small group of friends and coworkers.

There are some problems that I don’t think can be improved by counseling or increased communication—differences on wanting children, for example, a lack of basic respect for someone else’s autonomy, extreme jealousy or controlling behavior, etc. (Danny Lavery, Dear Prudie, slate.com)

The 5 Love Languages
1. Physical Touch
2. Words of Affirmation
3. Quality Time
4. Gift Giving
5. Acts of Service

(Brandon Melendez)
1. It's too hot to hold hands.
2. You know what I feel.
3. I'm seeing old friends – you wouldn't like them.
4. This token shows I’ve bought a toilet for an African village.
5. I won't patronise you by offering to help.

There's always some reason why I can't have what I want. (LJ)

The relationship between our parents is deteriorating more quickly since they started marriage counseling. It has given them an outlet to air grievances, but no tools to resolve issues or move forward. (Writer in to Dear Prudie. She adds that both say they are “victimized by the other’s inadequacy”.)

If your ex wants to talk to you about why you shouldn’t be angry, why he hasn’t done anything wrong, or why his new girlfriend is fantastic, then you should politely say, “I’m not available to talk about that,” and hang up the phone. (Danny Lavery, Dear Prudie)

When you find yourself saying things like “The reason my boyfriend never apologizes is because it’s his mother’s fault, and also he doesn’t have high enough self-esteem,” you have reached Critical Dumping Him Mass. (Danny Lavery, Dear Prudie)

She had ignored the signs that he was fabricating stories because, like so many other women, she was lonely, warm-hearted and wanted someone to love her. (Duped, Abby Ellin)

The only piece of advice my father really gave me was to always make sure you’d lined yourself up with the next boyfriend before you got rid of the one before. I’m not sure it is good advice – it’s the absolute definition of co-dependency – but I definitely followed it religiously. (Emily Mortimer)

Suppose being seule in London proved to be a hideous social handicap? Nearly everyone I knew was paired off... and I’d stick out like a bunion, or be left to rot... There’d be all that business of arranging for taxis, and getting lifts home from parties again. I’d quite forgotten that. (Alida Baxter, Flat on My Back)

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years. For some, that might be “just waiting for the ring” territory, but we have never had conversations about moving in or marriage. I love my boyfriend, but we have reached a plateau, and it’s clear to me that this is not going to be a forever relationship. (Writer-in to Dear Prudie)

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing. (Psalm 68)

DTR is an acronym that means define the relationship. Used in chat and texting, it implies a critical point in a relationship in which one person wants clear answers from the other. (dictionary.com)

My not having the same relationship, career, academic, or financial success is a reflection on my failures. (Writer-in to Dear Prudie)

Everyone wants a relationship. (Charlie Stait)

When someone can never admit they're wrong, it's hard to sustain a healthy relationship with them long-term. (Bustle.com)

It takes so little for men and women to be turned on if their partner is kind, engaging, generous... buy a book you think might interest them. Or write a card and leave it for them when you go to work. (Times 2019-09-24)

When couples consider divorce, they don’t whoop with delight. They think about all the benefits of being married they would lose. From companionship and financial security to extended family and friendships. (Times Sept 2019)

I could not be content with less than your love and your children and our happy acknowledgement of each other to the world… you went out of your way to insist you would give me none of them. (Dorothy Sayers to John Cournos)

In most societies, biological parenthood is one of the most highly valued social statuses. (Robin Hadley)

Conversation, cooking, eating, listening to music, watching movies, cuddling and yes sex. (The joys of partnership, via Facebook)

As humans we all have psychological needs that we are driven to fulfil, be they companionship or safety, a sense of belonging or personal growth. And we often meet these needs through our relationships with others: they care for us, make us feel secure, and help us develop as individuals. (British Psychological Society Research Digest. They do?)

Has any research ever been done on what the majority of people really want out of life? You know the stuff that matters – a roof over your head, someone to love – the chance to live out your life in peace... (@Otto_English)

I am taking solace in knowing that right now people do not want to buy things or spend money, but instead are missing being together, hugging, loving, kissing, cuddling... human contact. (Sarah Parcak)

For the first three months of our relationship I felt supported, cared for, and like I finally had someone in my corner... I can’t escape from this desperate need to seek comfort and companionship from him and am constantly experiencing whiplash when it’s withdrawn. (Writer-in to Dear Prudie)

Humans live in a social world in which relative rank matters for nearly everything—your access to resources, your ability to attract mates, and even how long you live. From an evolutionary perspective, reproductively relevant resources flow to those high in status and trickle slowly, if at all, to those lower on the social totem pole. (David Buss, quoted in Psychology Today.)

The truth is that a woman doesn’t look on ANY man as a joke if he can kid her that he’s in love with her... Girls in these penniless middle-class families will marry anything in trousers, just to get away from home... After the frightful battle of getting her man to the altar, the woman kind of relaxes, and all her youth, looks, energy, and joy of life just vanish overnight.
(George Orwell, Coming Up for Air)

He tilted her face towards him, smiling into her eyes; she awaited, with contented passivity, the expected kiss... He tried the effect of a little ardour. (Mary Renault, The Friendly Young Ladies)

Do you have any idea what it means to a woman to go to prison? A woman only has a few of the golden years in her life when she’s attractive. Even at the best... she begins to fade after a few years. Think of what it means to a young, attractive woman to have the prison doors close on her and to realize that as she endures that treadmill existence her beauty is slipping through her fingers. (Erle Stanley Gardner)

If you have been thinking the best sort of thoughts it will not be difficult to let your conversation be worth listening to... He does not really admire the “smart” jokes and innuendoes which take away another person’s character... Young womanhood is a thing too lovely to be disfigured by a display of jewellery. The jingling beads, the lavish exhibition of rings or bracelets can never really adorn you. But that ancient adornment called “a meek and quiet spirit” will give beauty even to ordinary features, and will add loveliness to the most radiant face... Remember that this twilit hour is the hour when foolish jesting or a careless demeanour may make your knight forget his white armour. (Girls’ Own Annual, 1920. Take do’s for don’ts.)

Mrs Pell was a little sorry for Agnes. She had been a typist in the city for two years, yet nothing had happened. (Girls’ Own Annual, 1920)

If you’re looking to find love on a dating app, there’s plenty you need to think about: what to include in your bio, the interests you list, and what you say you’re looking for. (BPS Digest)

My decision to become a temp was less about the sleuthing than a need to widen the field of potential boyfriends en route to finding a husband, a strategy which paid off eventually. (Sarah Shaw, Short Skirts and Shorthand. She adds that girls didn’t fear being stuck behind a typewriter – they feared becoming a spinster.)

A woman left by her husband when she is 40 either faces living alone or has to break up someone else’s marriage. (Jilly Cooper, Supermen and Superwomen)

Apparently, even in your 40s, it’s necessary to have that “So, like, are you officially my girlfriend?” conversation that you had to have in 6th grade. (Factinate.com)

The way to get married is to actually get to know someone and see if your interests and goals are compatible. (@DaeDaeSupreme)

Security, Attention, Control, Community, Intimacy, Status, Achievement, Privacy, Meaning, Purpose
(What everybody needs, according to the Human Givens Institute. It's a shame that the guy pushing the therapy deleted our conversation. He said if people had the above they wouldn’t compensate in destructive ways which were bad for society. And they wouldn’t need consumerism. He got offended when I suggested his vague definition of consumerism was judgemental. He also didn’t respond when I asked “Who is society?”, and whether our bottom line should always be “what’s best for society”. His solution was, of course, that people lacking the above should pay for his brand of therapy. He also didn’t take my hint that if it is bad for people to lack these “human givens”, and bad for society, society should provide the missing givens. Somehow this never seems to be the answer.)

More here, and links to the rest.

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